I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
