listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
