Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
