It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
