he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
