worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
