I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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