How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
as a side note pls kill me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
