John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
