I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize