Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
