almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
