my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
