Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
