dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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