mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
