First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
