Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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