either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
