you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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