I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
