I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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