Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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