i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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