If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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