Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
