how can u be prego again
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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