Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Send help, water and tortillas.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
