I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
