OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
