hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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