i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
