I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
