She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize