One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
