at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
