I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
