Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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