guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
