You made me cry and you don't even care
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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