none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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