is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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