Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
