I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
