i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize