Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
