Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
