Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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