she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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