it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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