Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
