Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
