why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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