You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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