Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
