So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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