after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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