Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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