I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
