i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
