the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
