tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
