tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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