Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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