Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
