oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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