i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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