I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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