Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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