i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
