Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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