I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
