I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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