I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
