Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
