I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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