just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
