You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
