Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
