my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
