Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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