I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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