wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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