It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
