oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
