I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
